[Ramrod]

This gem from the Spectator

One client of mine, whom I shall call Blofeld, decided to murder his wife.

I do not wish to advise readers as to the best methods for such a crime, but they tend to the prosaic: poison, strangulation, bludgeoning, etc.

Blofeld decided to finish off his missus by firing a homemade, 4ft-long rocket into her car as she drove through a wooded copse on her way home from work.

After painstakingly building his weapon in the shed, he placed it on a custom-built launch frame and angled it towards the road. To ensure it was fired at precisely the correct moment, he positioned himself on the other side of the road, facing the rocket, with a remote control gizmo in hand. Then he lay in wait.

A few minutes later, his wife’s car drew into sight. The moment it was level with Blofeld he pushed the button. Instantly, there was a flash and a roar as the rocket flew towards its target.

It would have been the perfect murder, too, had it not been for one key flaw: his wife’s car was 50 yards up the road by the time the rocket reached the desired point.

Worse, the rocket flew on and smashed into the tree behind which Blofeld was hiding, and exploded with an enormous bang.

The resultant fireball engulfed him, setting fire to his hair and beard, and he was still bandaged up like a mummy when the judge gave him 20 years.